My Thoughts On Our 18 Month Marriage

You might have been wondering why I say my blog is about career/fashion/marriage if there are no posts on my marriage.  Here goes the blogus2first!  With all the blogs and articles out there focusing on fixing wounded marriages, I wanted to take a moment to write about my thoughts on my own marriage and introduce J, who you’ll be reading about from time to time in the future.

J and I dated for six months before we got engaged so living together and being married was such a huge adjustment for us after the wedding. Once we moved in together, we got to know one another in a way that dating just doesn’t offer.  We began to recognize one another’s quirks and all the things you don’t really appreciate when your relationship consists of dinner dates, movies, and beach trips.  Deciding who puts the laundry in the machine versus who physically folds the laundry or who washes the dishes versus who cooks dinner were debates that I’m not proud to say have actually popped up from time to time even to this day. It took some time for us to figure each other out and understand how the other operates. At this point, we tend to know and understand what the other’s next move will be and have a connection that I’ve never had with anyone else.  At times, it even seems like J knows me better than I know myself.

He has literally supported me in everything I have ever tried, whether life changing or inconsequential.  When I decided to sell unworn clothes that have been stuck in my closet for the past 5 years on eBay and spent countless hours posting and checking for bidders, J may have thought it was a ridiculous waste of time but he supported me until I got over it myself.  When I became mesmerized by the website Ebates and tried to get all my friends to join so that everyone could get amazing referral bonuses, J may have rolled his eyes at me, but he didn’t stop me from doing it and EVENTUALLY reluctantly joined himself.

Most importantly, when I told J I wasn’t happy with my job and wanted something more, he supported me all the way as I made the drastic change of moving from a full time steady job to applying for a pharmaceutical fellowship.  He traveled with me across the country while I went through a series of what seemed like nonstop interviews and stayed up late at night with me while I wrote countless thank you cards and cover letters.  Even when I started this blog three weeks ago and analyzed every word of my first post, he encouraged me to just press the submit button and see what happens.

When I make a lame joke and don’t hear laughter, I strangely automatically assume he must have not heard me and I repeat myself several times or say something along the lines of, “I guess you had to be there.”  He may laugh AT me but he doesn’t judge me or think less of me. He loves me and I can feel it in his laughter, his body language, his words, his actions, and everything about him.  Being in sync and understanding one another is a comfort that I can’t take for granted.

He’ll fill up my water bottle and put it next to my keys because he thinks I don’t drink enough water and wants to make sure I bring it with me to work.   If I have a tight deadline or come home late from work, he’ll surprise me with a delicious dinner that’s so tasty , it makes me wonder why I do most of the cooking. When we’re going through our daily routines, I don’t often stop what I’m doing and think to myself that I’m lucky to be happy and have such a thoughtful, funny, smart husband.  He is truly my partner in life and I can’t imagine a better husband.

As fantastic as J is, he has his flaws (he insists I buy only whole grain food for the house) and I have my flaws (I can’t live without my weekly order of Indian chicken chickpeas with basmati rice on the side.)  We fight about things that don’t really matter and I honestly can’t even remember what we fight about most of the time because it doesn’t mean a thing.

BlogUsThe most recent thing we argued about was that I’ve been begging J to wear a jacket in the winter.  He usually leaves it in the car and ends up walking around with just a hoodie as his main mode of weather protection in freezing cold weather.  To me, it seems so obvious to take his jacket with him when he parks the car so that he has it in the morning.  We constantly talk about this.  At times I feel like I’m talking about it too much and need to just let him make that decision to avoid becoming too mom-like.  As I’m writing this post, J is gathering his things to pick up some coffee filters and milk at the nearby drug store, necessary supplies to get us through the week.  I noticed he’s wearing jeans and a light sweater as he is about to shut the door behind him.  When the door is just a 20-degree angle away from closing, he leans in and grabs his coat from the closet.   That makes me smile.  These are the kind of little things we do for each other subconsciously that helps the other person see that we notice and care.

I wanted to mention J and give a brief introduction on him and us because I know he’ll be appearing in posts now and then.  Even as a twenty something woman focused on her career, my marriage and my family are the most important parts of my life.  The temperature of our marriage strongly correlates to how my day goes and how I’ll answer his daily question, “how was your day boo?”  If I’m being honest about my career, I want to be honest about my marriage. I know I’m not the only newlywed performing a balancing act and hope that this post can relate to the readers who are going through many of the same things I am.

A large part of me wants to include my marriage in my blog for J and me.  I want to remember more than just the photo albums and videos.  I want to remember the everyday things we do and say to each other that slowly contribute to who we are as a couple.  Down the road, we may be looking at a photo of ourselves laughing on a beach in Mexico but I want to remember what we were laughing about and what J said to make me smile at that moment. The silly fight we had before our trip to DC may have seemed insignificant at the time but looking back later on, we might see that it taught us a lesson on choosing our battles and letting small stuff slide. Going beyond what our photo albums have to offer will give us the opportunity to see how our marriage has evolved over the years.  Later down the road when I’m a mom and he’s a dad and we’re fighting about who gets up in the middle of the night this time or what to do with our rebellious teenager, I want to remember this feeling and think back to how it all began (and maybe also have a written record if a he said/she said moment happens to come up).

As I finish up the last couple sentences of this post and look up, I see that my husband is almost finished cooking his world’s greatest pasta dish and it’s almost time for dinner.  Yes, he may be making it because he lost a bet (more on that later!) but he’s making it nonetheless and it’s delicious.  My goal is to notice the little things he does, the things that often get overlooked while I’m thinking about a deadline at work.  I’m talking about how he empties the trash can when it gets full, how he makes extra coffee for me in the morning since he usually wakes up first, how he fills up my gas tank when it gets low, and so much more. Most importantly, my main goal is to enjoy our life and really appreciate all the fun, hilarious, messy, exciting moments because at the end of the day, there’s no one else I’d rather do laundry and wash dishes with.

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