My first newsletter went out yesterday and I’m so excited to share it with you! It’s a little about my personal story and where I am right now following a pharmacy career pause to focus on family. This newsletter will normally only be available for subscribers but I wanted to post the first one here so you can get a preview. Keep scrolling to read the full version. If you’re interested in subscribing, it takes less than a minute and you can do that here. 🙂

When I Grow Up

Sometime last week, I was cleaning out my office and ruthlessly tossing items in the donation pile. Normally I’m the type of person who looks at an item and thinks to herself, “I may wear this again one day” while placing it right back in its little corner. This was different; I was ready to let go. Who was this girl that wore camo cargo pants with heels and was so confident with who she wanted to be when she grew up?

The girl who wore a red Rutgers Pharmacy hoodie to class, studying with her friends at the library, confident that she was going to do something meaningful one day. I skimmed through stacks of books on medicinal chemistry and drug formulations, remembering the feeling of staring at these pages while pulling all-nighters in college.

I looked at the black and white BCBG wrap dress hanging in the back of my office closet and remembered wearing it for my first day of work at a pharmaceutical company, feeling proud that my whole future was in front of me. I was so sure of myself and my five-year plan. Between the clothes and the books, I was overcome by the nostalgia of my former pre-motherhood self. She was ambitious and eager to start her future. If you had told my 10-year-old self that as a 36-year-old, she would still be figuring out what she want to do when she grow up, she would have rightfully rolled her eyes. I’ve always had a plan, and a color-coordinated refrigerator calendar to prove it.

At the end of 2018, I modified the plan and made a decision to leave my job to focus on family and be a stay at home mom. Looking back, it was one of the best decisions I made in my life. I will always be grateful for this time at home, getting immersed in the beautiful chaos of motherhood and growing our family. Now, my three babies are all in school and I’m re-entering the workforce after a career pause. And I’m excited about it.

Ballet Realizations

Yesterday, my seven-year-old daughter and I were on our way back home from ballet class. She’s also a little girl with big plans. It was 5:30pm and already dark outside as we ran down the sidewalk, dodging puddles from days of relentless rain. I had 15 minutes to pick up my boys from preschool and I could feel my anxiety rising. I had so much running through my mind and I could tell I wasn’t fully present. Trying to get from point A to point B, I was distracted with random thoughts – figuring out the next step in my career, RSVPing to an upcoming child’s birthday party, calling a friend back, planning a night out with my husband, getting a workout in and bringing Mac and Cheese for a preschool potluck party. I was hoping my boys wouldn’t be the last ones to be picked up that day (spoiler, they were).

We were walking hand in hand, jumping over wet puddles when my daughter stopped me and said, “Mommy, you mean so much to me. I love you.” In an instant, my worries melted away and all I cared about was this magical moment that I almost missed. Maybe we’re all doing fine and putting too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in every way. I’m working on slowing down and recognizing the beauty in these small everyday moments. I’d like to focus less on the never-ending everyday logistics and more on what’s in front of me.

I wish I could tell you that we spent the next hour frolicking through the streets of Philadelphia. We didn’t because we had places to be but I did take a minute to stop what I was doing and recognize the moment unfold from my daughter’s carefree perspective. She was completely present and happy to be holding hands with her mama and I was thrilled to be with her. Whatever I decide to do when I grow up, it will be my own magic, if I could just get out of my head and recognize when it’s right in front of me.